Are you often criticizing yourself? 🤔 Always unhappy with your accomplishments? Furious about failures? 🙄
First of all you need to lower your expectations ⚠️. We all tend to challenge ourselves more than others, which is good in a way but you need to know the limit.
When you fail to do something or do something wrong and you start pulling your hair and are furious think if you’d react same way if your friend had done it 😉
Would you shout at him/her, feel being let down etc? Or you’d pat them on a shoulder, smile and say „That’s ok, you’ll do it tomorrow” or „That’s fine, you’ll do it right next time”? 😊
You should say same thing to yourself. If it wouldn’t be a big deal for another person it shouldn’t be a big deal if you’d done it. Treat yourself right. ⚠️
Second of all, we tend to focus only/mainly on failures and stop seeing what we’ve accomplished 🤷🏼♀️. We get angry with ourselves for not doing something and we forget about all the other things we’ve managed to do. For example, you get mad because you haven’t wokred out and you ate something unhealthy and suddenly forgot that you’ve managed to workout and eat healthy other 6 days of the week.
It’s ok to have one bad day and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Focus on other 6 good days 😉
If you feel like you’re criticizing yourself too much and you’re never happy with your work try writing down every evening 2-3 things you’ve managed to do that day ✒📄.
But remember! If you’ve tried to do something and failed that should still go on the list! 😉 It means you TRIED and that’s the most important thing. Most people don’t even get to that step 😉
📸 pic taken in Dominican Republic in 2018
— Step 15
Today we’re gonna talk about 3 mind traps which might weaken your willpower and your willingness to act:
1.Thinking „everything or nothing”
Have you ever thought „I do everything from my ‘to do’ list or drop everything”?
If yes, then you got into „everything or nothing” trap which can have huge impact on your actions and effects (or lack of them) 🤷🏼♀️
Thinking like that you don’t see your failures as small errors that you can learn from, you see it as total failure and you might start withdrawing generalized conclusions about yourself like „I’ll never succeed”, „I’m a failure” etc. STOP! 🚫
* If you get trapped into those thoughts write all of them down ✒ Then write a counterargument to each one of them. Get back to it when you have another „everything or nothing” moment.
2. Excessive pessimism or optimism
„If I haven’t succeeded in 1 year I’ll never succeed” – that’s excessive pessimism when you have only negative thoughts about your future 👎
Excessive optimism is when you ignore your past attempts and previous experience and keep thinking that „this time will be different, it will be perfect” 🙄 For example, you wanted to workout regularly, you’ve had couple attempts at it and failed eaxh time but now you think that you’ll have the willpower and you’ll workout 6 times a week for 3 months 💪🙄
* If you know what I’m talking about write all of such examples down ✒. Now try to make each one of them more realistic e.g. „I’ll try to workout more regularly. I probably won’t be able to workout 6 times a week right away so I’ll workout 2 times this week, 3 times next week and keep improving”. :::
You exaggerate all difficulties and make everything sound impossible. „I won’t make it”, „I never do anything right”. * If you do that write all of those thoughts down and write a counterargument to each one
Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow” 📸 pic taken in Italy in 2019
While we all are struggling with those weird and difficult times lets dive into the past 😍
Take your photo album, pour yourself a tea/wine/drink and soak into memories. Maybe call a friend that you’ve been in a trip with and talk about it together? Laugh about your wild adventures and funny stories! 🤗
Try to relive those beautiful days!
Maybe dig deeper and find your childhood photos? Call your siblings or parents and relive it together! 😊💕
Memories are forever 🙏
📸 pic taken in Dominican Republic in 2018
What if it is all a test? 🤔
To see whether you got your prorities set right? To see what you’re sad about when having to cancel all plans? To see if you can appreciate what you got? To see if you’re flexible making new plans, rearranging your schedules, building new paths, being creative? 🤔
We can learn so much these days ⚠️ Not only about the world but about ourselves too 😉, about your closes ones whether think about you too these days, about your friends if they really care for you 😘
Have you learned something new about yourself? I, for example, started to notice that I really answer to problems/anxiety with work 💪. I put more and more on myself trying to achieve as much as I can, to prove that I’m good enough, to make myself proud, to feel calm once something is complete. This is they way I cope with stress – I work even more. That’s just me but I’ll work on that 😉😅
This is the time to observe, take notes and draw conclusions 📝 This is the time to learn ⚠️. So that once it’s all over we can build new ‘normal’ with the notes we took. We can use our lessons, our mistakes to set new goals, build new paths ⚠️
And I’m not talking about you and me only. I’m talking about all of us as one Earth-society 🌍. We should all keep some of the actions we do now forever. Starting from taking more care abour our health and appreciating when we’re healthy 🙏, from paying more attention to hygiene and washing our hands as often as we can 👏, from keeping healthy distance from one another in a shop, not standing on somebody’s toes 😅, let’s keep this personal space 😉, to helping one another 🤝, to spreading good deeds, to caring about strangers, not only about ourselves! 🙏
We can build such a beautiful new world out of it with new, better priorities, better standards and better rules. 🤩
A world where we can all appreciate what we got, care about others and are willing to help a stranger. 🙏
This is the time to build a new reality. ⚠️
Who’s with me? 😉 📸 pic taken in Athens in 2015
Today we start realising our goal! In upcoming steps willpower will be one of most important subjects. ⚠️
Here’s what’s most important.
Willpower divides into 3 parts:
· Power to do something even though you’d prefer to avoid it (power „I want to!”) 💪
· Power helping push temptations away (power „I don’t want to”) 🚫
· Power that remembers what you desire in long-term (power „I desire!”) 🤩 :::
Willpower is what differs us from animals. By forseeing future you are able to not give in to impulses or instincts ⚠️. Thinking about will power you often want to delete lower impulses or some feelins but they are important too! 😉
For example disgust protects you from bad food, fear from danger and desires help you setting goals 😉. If you want to improve your willpower it is not about fighting impulses but about using them to help you 🤗
How to manage your willpower? 🤔 For that you need to get to know yourself better. Only when you understand your way of thinking in a situation that requires your willpower then you can strengthen it 💪.
You make many decisions on autopilot (and it’s good because there are s omany of them during a day that your brain would not be able to get to them all!😅) so your task for today is to notice that autopilot and improving you self-awarness.
Observe and write down ✒
·What situations need your willpower? 🤔
· What thoughts, feelings, impulses appear in those situations? 🧐
· What decisions they lead you to? Supporting your goal or the opposite? 🤔
· Which moments/elements are crucial to making a decision? Noticing them will help you stop that bad autopilot and prepare for those situations earlier. 🧐
If you want to learn more about it I advice you to read Kelly McGonigal’s book „The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It” 📖
Next week: Mind traps
Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”
How’s your self-isolation going?
Are you stuck in pjs and without make up for weeks now?
Today I want you to jump out of pyjamas and suit up! 😉
Put on something nice, do your hair and make up and check yourself out in the mirror!
Maybe do some selfies? 😉😅
Simply dress up just for you, maybe try some new hairstyle or new kind of make up?
📸 pic taken ages ago 😅