Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 30

Today we continue subject of deferring gratification. If, after last week’s task, you already know that it brings you problems I have good news for you: you can practice the ability to defer gratification (so self-control) 🤗.
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This exercise is from Kelly McGonigqal’s book „The Willpower Instinct”:
It appears that 10 minutes is not a long time to wait for something we want 🕰. Neurologists however discovered that it has great impact on how your brain processes the vision of reward 🤔.
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If inatant gratification is supposed to come after 10 minutes then our brain sees it as future benefit ➡️. Then the system that processes the promise of a reward calms down and strong biological impulse to instant consummation weakens ⬇️.
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Our brain comparing a cookie that we have to wait 10 minutes for 🍪 with a long-term benefit like losing weight 💪 stops leaning towards promised reward that much. In the instant gratification it is the ‘instant’ part that seduces our brain and changes our preferences 🧠
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In order for your brain to think straight make a decision to always wait 10 minutes before you succumb to temptation 😉. If after 10 minutes you still want it, take it. Before the time passes though try to think of long-term benefits you’ll get for resisting temptation. If it’s possible, try also creating some physical or visual distance.
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If your challenge for willpower requires using „I want” strenght (so doing something you don’t feel like doing) you can also use „10 minutes rule” to help you resist the temptation of delaying necessary actions and to force yourself a bit to do them 😉.
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Try making it „do it for 10 minutes, then you can stop”. Let yourself stop working after 10 minutes – it might turn out that as you already had started you will want to continue 😉
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Try making that excercise and write down your results. „10 miutes rule” might work great when you  don’t feel like working out! 💪😁

Next week: How to fight temptation!
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 26

Do you ever punish yourself? For eating something that you shouldn’t have, skipping training, making mistake…? 🤔
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I know that this topic isn’t pleasant but if it does happen I highly encourage you to work on it 💪.
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Have a look how you find reaching your goal. Do you find it as a war – with yourself, external obstacles? 🤔 If yes then there’s risk that you’ll end up in an eternal fight with yourself and you’ll see every mistake as losing 😫. What comes next you might be even punishing yourself with bad words like „I am horrible”, strict refusing any small awards/pleasures or doing something as a punishment 😖
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So as strongwill wouldn’t break down and your desire/fighting for your goal would become a part of your everyday life, part of your lifestyle you need: patience, indulgence and will to act which doesn’t come with permament tension and fear of losing.
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Task for today: instead of treating realising your goal as a fight or „good” and „bad” actions try to look at it as a process of learning 🤓.
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You know those cute videos on YouTube of little kids learning how to walk? 😍 They fall down, get up and keep trying again and again – often with a smile on their faces! 🤗 Mistakes and slips are inseparable part of learning anything. And making new habits is nothing but learning.
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Try reformulating critical thoughts to a thought beneficial to learning. E.g. instead of telling yourself „I am lazy because I didn’t work out” it could be „I found out about myself that if I don’t work out in the morning I am too tired after work. I’ll rearrange my plan of a day.”
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Now write another examples down so you could use them in the future.
Critical thought:
Thought beneficial to learning:

Next week: Distinguish punishment from self-discipline

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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 23

I strongly encourage you to constant observing 👀 what strengthens and what weakens your strongwill, training it and doing visualisations.
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In next steps you’re gonna look into a very important issue that I often see around me: excessive rigor and self-criticism 👇
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Do you know what I’m talking about? Does it apply to you? Do you focus on your mistakes, setbacks, defects and failures? Do you miss out on your advantages, achievements and successes? 🤔 When you do a  sum up at the end of a week/month/year what do focus on more? Failures 👎or successes👍?

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We all tend to notice negative and threatening affects of our lifes more. Our brain 🧠 works this way to catch potential danger as soon as possible and to prevent it.
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What’s more, if you’ve experienced rigor and excessive criticism at home or at school you might have a tendency of treating yourself same way 😟
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That’s why noticing positives is harder and requires more conscious effort.
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A task for today is to observe what do you concentrate on 📝
* Do you automatically focus attention on negative aspects? 🤔
* Does it apply to you or reality that surrounds you? 🤔
* What happens when you consciously try to redirect attention to what’s positive about you and what’s positive around you? 🤗
* Does anything change? 🤔
* How do you feel then? 🤔
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”


P.s. Today is Father’s Day in Poland so I’m posting this special photo of my Dad and me! 🤗

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 19

In previous step we’ve establilshed what can weaken your willpower, today we’re gonna talk how to empower it! 💪
Let’s try doing willpower training, shall we?
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How does it work if comparing willpower to a muscle is metaphorical? 🤔 The key to successful willpower training is noting, which you will do in a second, and chosing what’s harder for you. It is about creating a habit of stoping  to make right decision that brings you closer to your goal 😌.
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There are 3 ways to train your willpower. They refer to 3  powers: „I don’t want to”, „I desire” and automonitoring.
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Method 1: Improve your „I don’t want to” power. Chose one of your small bad habits that you’d like to change/eliminate like overusing some word, sitting wrong or anything else 😊
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Method 2: Improve your „I desire” power. Promise to yourself that you’ll start doing 1 thing a day that brings you closer to your goal (that you haven’t been doing before). It can be working out, drinking 1,5l of water a day, self-care ritual etc 😊
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Method 3: Improve automonitoring. Consciously observe something that you usually pay attention to and which is important to reach your goal, e.g. monitor what you eat (and what you snack between meals! 😉), what do you spend money on, how much time do you spend with your close ones etc. 😊
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It is important that you find small ways for practicing your self-control 🧠. Remember that willpower works like muscle and you can also overtrain it ⚠️. Don’t throw yourself in the deep end, start slowly, start small. 😉
Which method will you start with?
Next week: Willpower vs tiredness
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”
P.s. It is Mother’s Day today in Poland 😊💕 and I’m gonna see my Mom finally today after almost 4 months

Be positive! · Self-evolving

Excercise

Did you know that to form a habit you need only 21 days? After repeating something every day for 3 weeks it grows into you and you do it automatically. For example if you need to remember to take vitamins after breakfast 💊 (do it!) you need to remember about it and focus on the moment of you taking the vitamins out of the drawer for 21 days and after that you just do it every day without even thinking about it (like me for last 3 years 😊).
It is said to be working same way when starting a diet – you need 21 days of you saying „NO! ⛔” to sugars and unhealthy food and after those 3weeks of a hard struggle you’ll do it easily, automatically or won’t even be craving sweets. 🥦🥒🍅🥗
But did you know that you can also reprogram/rewire your brain to be happy in 21 days? 🤗
I mean, WOAH! Right?🤩
And here’s my TASK FOR YOU.⚠️ For the next 3 weeks when you wake up think of 3 things you are grateful for and keep repeating it for…now guess…21 days, yes 😊
It can be same 3 things every day or it can be various things. Your choice. Just stick to it.
What is more, you can practice being more confident too 💪. Think of 3 values/qualities you like about yourself, some advantages you have, and say it to yourself out loud in front of a mirror every day for 21 days. I guarantee you’ll be more confident and more proud of those qualities. Just try it.
So what are you grateful for?
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I am grateful for a healthy family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧, loving husband ❤ and our financial situation (being able to pay rent 🏡, buy food 🍕 and having a nice life 🎉🏖).

Psychology facts

Differ thoughts from emotions

Learn to recognize emotions. This way you’ll know how to fix them. Can you distinguish anger from fear? People are not always able to tell what they feel. Some of us constantly feel tired not seeing that it’s depression. Some of us are always irritated thinking that they’re losing control of their life when in fact it’s fear. Apart from depression and fear it can be difficult to distinguish anger, shame or feeling guilty. Have you ever heard of a situation when somebody was feeling sad, tired and did not know what to do when in fact he or she was feeling guilty? It is often shown in movies or books that somebody is feeling guilty after somebody’s death and people tend to mistake it with sadness.

Once you recognize and name emotions it is easier to work on them. You can learn that with „Mind Over Mood. Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think” by Christine A. Padesky and Dennis Greenberger. I highly recommend that book! You can read there that if you have a problem naming your emotions you need to go deep into your body and think what’s hapenning. If you feel tense, your arms’ muscles and/or your neck is tight it can be fear or irritation; general heaviness can mean bad mood or disappointment.

Our body’s reactions often tell us what we feel. People often mistake their fear with anger as symptons and body reactions (screaming, sweating etc.) are similar. If you learn to recognize your emotions it will be easier for you to control it. When you divide what’s making you angry and what makes you scared, you can focus better on a specific problem and work on it (i’ll tell you how to work with fear or anger in some time). Focus what thoughts come to your mind when you’re feeling angry or scared. Usually when people are scared they tend to think that they’re losing control, that they don’t know what’s gonna happen next. With anger it’s usually „it’s not fair, i deserve more than that!” etc.

You need to learn not only to differ one emotion from another but also to differ emotions from thoughts. Lets say somebody asks you how do you feel and you say „i wanna go home”. It’s a thought, not an emotion. What is the emotion? Perhaps you’re sad? Why?

People think „They don’t need me” when in fact it can be out of fear, not sadness.

Have you ever had to give a presentation at school or work but you didn’t want to do it? Was it because you were ashamed? No. People usually don’t want to give out speeches because they’re scared. They tend to think what other people will think, they tend to imagine that audience will laugh etc. It’s fear, not shame, and once you know it you can work on it. Instead of imagining people laughing, try to visualize that they’re all smiling and applausing. Isn’t it easier to go on stage now?

Don’t confuse emotions with thoughts .With thoughts you can change your emotions!

Usually emotion can be named with 1 or 2 words (sad, angry, ashamed) whereas thoughts are couple words or an image (like audience laughing).

It is very important to learn to differ thoughts, emotions, behaviours and reactions. This was we can consider wchich areas of experience we can change to make us feel better. To be happy! 🙂

 

Can you name two different situations, one when you were scared and one when you were angry? What were your thoughts then?