Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 29

Please read and let me know if it sounds familiar 😉

You’re standing in front of a bakery and you see a yummy cookie 🤤. Your friend brings donuts to work 😍. You feel lilke joining your husband and watch TV instead of working out 📺.
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Your brain demands a reward here and now! 🏆. You forget about your goal and all the reasons why you wanted to achieve it. You succumb to temptation… 😞
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Or maybe…?
With your last remains of strongwill you step away from bakery 🤚, you leave dounts from friend somewhere out of sight 🚫, you leave husband in front of TV and you walk into another room to workout and on your way there you remind yourself that each workout gets you closer to your dream body 💪.
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The ability to postpone pleasures or rewards is called ‘deferring gratification’ in psychology 🧠. It is crucial to realize long-distance goals because it helps you not to succumb to temptation each time but to resist because of you goal that is somewhere in the future 😎.
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Why is it so hard to defer gratification? Because seeing temptation or reward instantly launches more primitive and oldest part of our brain demanding gratification right away 🤯. Luckily we also have prefrontal cortex (part of our brain) that can cool that instant rush and demand down because it is responsible for controlling our impulses 🤚.
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Task for today: think how deferring gratification looks in your case 🤔
In what situations is it easier or more difficult to you? 🤔
What helps you defer gratification? 🧐
What makes deferring gratification hard or impossible to you? 🤨

Next week: Deferring gratification – excercise
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 27

What’s the difference between punishment and self-discipline? 🤔 Perhaps you’ve already asked yourself that on our last step about punishing yourself. How to distinguish it? 🧐
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You don’t want to be too strict but on the other hand you need self-discipline so as not to spend the rest of your life living lazily and letting everything go and not reaching any goals 😉.
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Do you know that the word „discipline” means in latin knowledge, giving orders, teaching? 👨🏻‍🎓 As you see it has nothing to do with punishment, right? 😊
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Authors of many books about discipline emphasize that it comes from constant attempts. You fail, you get up wiser and move on 💪. Self-discipline is an effect of your effort and not giving up on next attempts.
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While main task of the punishment is to scare, it only teaches us what to avoid, brings tension, and often, fear and anger 🤢.
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I hope that you see now the difference and as to be good to yourself you’ll start liking self-discipline and avoid punishing 🤗
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How to distinguish them in practice? Common ground of those two often is the will to avoid some activity. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do something that is beneficial to us (e.g. working out).
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How can we know if our forcing is a part of self-discipline or punishment? 🤔
If you’re not sure think of a situation when you really don’t feel like doing something and answer couple questions:
*Sitation:
*What do you feel then? 🤔
*Is my body tense or loose? Do I clutch my jaw, feel tension in my arms? 😓
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If you feel a lot of tension, anger or fear and negative thoughts about yourself pop into your head it is probably closer to punishment than to self-discipline. You’ll recognize self-discipline when you’ll  be easily able to say why activity that you’re trying to force yourself to is good and beneficial to you 🤗

Nexy week: Learn to rest
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 26

Do you ever punish yourself? For eating something that you shouldn’t have, skipping training, making mistake…? 🤔
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I know that this topic isn’t pleasant but if it does happen I highly encourage you to work on it 💪.
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Have a look how you find reaching your goal. Do you find it as a war – with yourself, external obstacles? 🤔 If yes then there’s risk that you’ll end up in an eternal fight with yourself and you’ll see every mistake as losing 😫. What comes next you might be even punishing yourself with bad words like „I am horrible”, strict refusing any small awards/pleasures or doing something as a punishment 😖
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So as strongwill wouldn’t break down and your desire/fighting for your goal would become a part of your everyday life, part of your lifestyle you need: patience, indulgence and will to act which doesn’t come with permament tension and fear of losing.
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Task for today: instead of treating realising your goal as a fight or „good” and „bad” actions try to look at it as a process of learning 🤓.
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You know those cute videos on YouTube of little kids learning how to walk? 😍 They fall down, get up and keep trying again and again – often with a smile on their faces! 🤗 Mistakes and slips are inseparable part of learning anything. And making new habits is nothing but learning.
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Try reformulating critical thoughts to a thought beneficial to learning. E.g. instead of telling yourself „I am lazy because I didn’t work out” it could be „I found out about myself that if I don’t work out in the morning I am too tired after work. I’ll rearrange my plan of a day.”
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Now write another examples down so you could use them in the future.
Critical thought:
Thought beneficial to learning:

Next week: Distinguish punishment from self-discipline

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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Motivation

What is success to you?

What is success to you? 🤔 What does being successful really mean? 🤔 Is it having lots of money? 💰 Being smart? 🧠 Looking good? 😎
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I’m gonna break something to you and you might feel bad but you need to be aware of that 😉: there’s always gonna be someone more beautiful 😎,  someone smarter 🧠 and, unless you’re Jeff Bezos, someone richer 💰. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be successful!
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Being successful isn’t being THE BEST. It’s being better than average. Being successul is being better than you were a month ago 💪. That’s a success!
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The best and the only scale you should be comparing your current self isn’t to other people because this might have the opposite effect, it’s comparing your current self to your past self! 😉
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As long as there’s progress there and a positive difference you’re successful! 😊
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This is healthy competition and both easiest and hardest to have! But if you’re progressing, if you’re going forward this is success!
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Do you agree?

Be positive!

Reaction

Do you know Tony Robbins’ famous story about two brothers? 👬 There was two brothers who had an abussive alcoholic father. Their childhood was very dark, they lived in poverty 😞. Years later, when they grew up, one brother was very successful 💰, had a well-known company, wife and kids 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦, was contributing to society, volunteering etc and another one was an alcoholic too 😪🍾. Somebody asked both of them „How is it possible? 🤷🏼‍♀️ How is it possible you didn’t turn out the same? Why do you think you became a volunteer? Why did you think you became an alcoholic?”. Both answered same thing „Who else could I become with a father like this?”
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We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it ⚠️. You can either feel sorry about yourself, be miserable and live miserable life or you can turn your disappointment/sadness into energy and use it to make your life better 💪
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There are so many people with same stories yet different endings. There are so many people who’s had abussive childhood but wanted to leave it behind them and achieve something big 🤩! There are so many examples of it among famous people like Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lawrence, Dwayne Johnson, Joaquin Phoenix, Oprah, Tony Robbins himself…just look at my Inspirational Stories 😉! All of them had difficult childhood and look at them now! 😎🎬🏆
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Bad things happen to people everyday. It’s sad but it’s true 🤷🏼‍♀️. But it’s our choice what we’re gonna do with it! First of all appreciate what you have 🙏, secondly learn from your mistakes/failures/sad experience and then use it to build a better future 📈!
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I know it’s harder than it sounds but it is all in your hands 🤲. You have all the tools to make your life happy, it’s  your move to use them. Nobody is going to do it for you 😉. It’s all in your hands and in your mind.

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 17

Today’s step is a bit long but it is SO important in everyday life ⚠️
How big impact does stress have on willpower? In order to answer that question I’ll tell you about „fight 👊 or flight ✈ response”. It is a physiological reaction when seeing danger that’s been protectin people for centuries from deadly threats.
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How does it work? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Let’s say you’ve noticed a venomous snake on your path. A part of your brain called amygdala reacts instantly and it prepares your body to fight or run away. The secretion of stress hormones increases, liver releases fats and sugars giving organism energy, lungs start to work faster to oxygenate body, the blood circulation accelerates (that’s why heart start to beat so fast!) to deliver needed substances to all cells. Basically whole organism is mobilizing for you to have best shot to survive 💪. In order not to delay your reactions the activity of the prefrontal cortex, so the part of your brain that is responsible for controlling impuleses, decreases ⬇️
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What does it mean? Stress physically decreases your ability to self-control ⚠️
Brain still works in the same way as if you were standing in front of a venomous snake and it starts fight or flight reaction. E.g. when you see an annoying e-mail from your boss 😉. That’s why it is so important to learn to deal with stress!
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Task for today divides into 3 parts:
1. Try relaxation. Lie down or sit down in a comfortable position 🧘🏼‍♀️, close your eyes, take deep breath and let your body loose muscle by muscle 🙏.
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2. Answer those questions:
· What do you think about stress and its affect on your life?
· How do you rate your stress level?
· Do  you think of the stress that you experience as bad stress 👎or good stress 👍?
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3. Watch short Ted talk with Kelly McGonigal „How to make stress your friend” – so good! 😍
Next week: Improve your willpower by breathing :::
Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Self-evolving · Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 16

I’ve got good news for you – willpower can be trained! 💪 It is often treated like something you either have or don’t but psychology researches show that you can train your strong will just like your muscles. And nobody was born with a 6-pack, right? 😉
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It is great news because those who aren’t scrupulous naturally can train it 💪. You’ve actually already started it with implementation intention (step 10) and by process visualisation (step 11) 😉
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Since willpower works like a muscle it has limited source of energy and strength. There are things that empower it 👍 but there are also things that weaken it 👎.
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Your goal is to get to know and, if possible, remove your obstacles to having strong will 😎. Those most basic ones are stress, tiredness and lack of sleep. It seems so simple, right? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Yet you do not always see the connection between those factors and your willpower.
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Task for today: Observe and write down (or analyze past experiences if you’re calm and rested today) how stress and tiredness have impact on your willpower:
* What situations are those?
* What happens then?
* How do you react?
* Is it harder for you to stick to your goal?
* Do you have any ways to help yourself and not to be tempted (turn your „I don’t want to” power on) or to do something that you don’t feel like doing (turn your „I want to” power)? Next week: Stress vs willpower (next week Smiley Future will be on Wednesday!)

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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 15

🧠SMILEY FUTURE🧠
— Step 15
Today we’re gonna talk about 3 mind traps which might weaken your willpower and your willingness to act:
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1.Thinking „everything or nothing”
Have you ever thought „I do everything from my ‘to do’ list or drop everything”?
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If yes, then you got into „everything or nothing” trap which can have huge impact on your actions and effects (or lack of them) 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Thinking like that you don’t see your failures as small errors that you can learn from, you see it as total failure and you might start withdrawing generalized conclusions about yourself like „I’ll never succeed”, „I’m a failure” etc. STOP! 🚫
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* If you get trapped into those thoughts write all of them down ✒ Then write a counterargument to each one of them. Get back to it when you have another „everything or nothing” moment.

2. Excessive pessimism or optimism
„If I haven’t succeeded in 1 year I’ll never succeed” – that’s excessive pessimism when you have only negative thoughts about your future 👎
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Excessive optimism is when you ignore your past attempts and previous experience and keep thinking that „this time will be different, it will be perfect” 🙄 For example, you wanted to workout regularly, you’ve had couple attempts at it and failed eaxh time but now you think that you’ll have the willpower and you’ll workout 6 times a week for 3 months 💪🙄
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* If you know what I’m talking about write all of  such examples down ✒. Now try to make each one of them more realistic e.g. „I’ll try to workout more regularly. I probably won’t be able to workout 6 times a week right away so I’ll workout 2 times this week, 3 times next week and keep improving”. :::
3. Exaggeration
You exaggerate all difficulties and make everything sound impossible. „I won’t make it”, „I never do anything right”. * If you do that write all of those thoughts down and write a counterargument to each one
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow” 📸 pic taken in Italy in 2019

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 14

Today we start realising our goal! In upcoming steps willpower will be one of most important subjects. ⚠️
Here’s what’s most important.
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Willpower divides into 3 parts:
· Power to do something even though you’d prefer to avoid it (power „I want to!”) 💪
· Power helping push temptations away (power „I don’t want to”) 🚫
· Power that remembers  what you desire in long-term (power „I desire!”) 🤩 :::
Willpower is what differs us from animals. By forseeing future you are able to not give in to impulses or instincts ⚠️. Thinking about will power you often want to delete lower impulses or some feelins but they are important too! 😉
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For example disgust protects you from bad food, fear from danger and desires help you setting goals 😉. If you want to improve your willpower it is not about fighting impulses but about using them to help you 🤗
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How to manage your willpower? 🤔 For that you need to get to know yourself better. Only when you understand your way of thinking in a situation that requires your willpower then you can strengthen it 💪.
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You make many decisions on autopilot (and it’s good because there are s omany of them during a day that your brain would not be able to get to them all!😅) so your task for today is to notice that autopilot and improving you self-awarness.
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Observe and write down ✒
·What situations need your willpower? 🤔
· What thoughts, feelings, impulses appear in those situations? 🧐
· What decisions they lead you to? Supporting your goal or the opposite? 🤔
·  Which moments/elements are crucial to making a decision? Noticing them will help you stop that bad autopilot and prepare for those situations earlier. 🧐
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If you want to learn more about it I advice you to read Kelly McGonigal’s book „The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It” 📖
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Next week: Mind traps
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 13

This is our last step of preparations and after that you’ll be ready to start reaching your goal! 😊
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Now we need to focus on your surroundings and people around you. You are already well prepared so now it’s time to let your close ones know that there will be changes/that you’ll e.g. have less free time etc.
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While focusing on your resolutions and goals you could forget that it would be good to also get your close ones ready. Why?
* You have a chance to present them your plan and to explain why your goal is important to  you and ask them for support 🤝
* Once you’ll tell them about your resolution you’ll feel bigger pressure and it will be harder for you to let go once some obstacles come or you’ll have a bad day 😉
* While talking to your close ones you’ll see their reactions and you’ll know if  you can count on them and have their support or the opposite 😉
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Unfortunately it happens that family or friends react on someone’s will to change with resistance or even anger. There are plenty stories of girls who decided to drop couch potato life and and start working out, eating healthy and they heard „You better stop because you’ll be anorectic”, „Are you crazy?” etc. 🙄
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Usually it comes from people who know that they should change something about their lives too and because they don’t want to do it, it is easier for them to denny it, sabotage positive changes in person next to them etc. 🙄 If you get those kind of reactions look for support in somebody else like me and other members of Smiley Society! 🤗
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But I do hope that you’ll get positive comments only.
Next week: What is willpower and how does it work
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Next week:
Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

📸 pic taken in Greece in 2015