Be positive!

I’ll be happy when…

„I’ll be happy when…”
Is that thought stuck with you? 😏 Do you keep thinking that you’ll be happy when something happens? 😬 Or when you’ll accomplish something? 🤔
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I used to think that way. I kept saying to myself „I’ll be happy when I lose weight” 💪, „I’ll be happy when I publish my book” 📕, „I’ll be happy when I get married 👰”.
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And you know what? It doesn’t work that way 🤷🏼‍♀️
Happiness isn’t some kind of a prize 🏆 that comes when you do what you have to do 🙄. You can lose weight, get married and reach all your dreams and still won’t be happy 😞. It’s about your mindset ⚠️
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If you keep thinking „I’ll be happy when…” this happiness will always be somewhere in the future ➡️, it will be always ahead of you and you’ll never catch up 😧.
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You need to find a way to be happy NOW ⚠️. Even when you haven’t achieved your goal, even if you’re e.g. losing weight and got still some kgs to lose 😅, be happy on your way to success 🔜.
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What if you’ll never get what you want (sorry to break it to you but it might happen)? 🤔 What if you keep saying to yourself „I’ll be happy when…” and the ‘when’ never comes and you’ll just lose weeks, months or years waiting for that happiness 😱?
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It’s not something that will come to you. It’s not like you’ll wake up one day after reaching your goal and think „wow, I’m happy now” 😉. You need to change your mindset ⚠️
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Start thinking and focusing on HERE & NOW ⬇️. Start seeing, like actually seeing 👀, what you have, what you’ve done ☺.
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Start being happy about the little things 😉. Instead of thinking „I’ll be happy when I reach my goal” be happy that you’ve started working on that goal 🤗, be happy with every step you take to reach it, be happy about every little obstacle you’ve defeated 💪.
Be happy NOW ⚠️
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Tell me, are you happy? 🤗

Be positive! · Self-evolving

Let’s support each other

Have you ever told somebody about your goals/dreams/a project you had started working on and heard laughter or some unpleasant response 😞? „You’re not gonna make it!”, „This is just stupid”, „Why would you wanna do that?”.
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Have you ever had a new dream or started working on some new goal and decided to keep it to yourself because you were scared of others’ reaction 🤷🏼‍♀️?
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Have you just stopped telling your close ones about your dreams or your accomplishments because you don’t feel like you have their support and nothing ever impresses them 💔?
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I know I have. I have 1 big project that I’m working on that my family doesn’t know about and 1 secret project that I haven’t told ANYONE about 🤐
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And you know what? This is not how it’s supposed to work 👎.
We should all SUPPORT each other, we should all BELIEVE in others and we should ALWAYS be happy for others’ successes and let them know that they did a good job/congratulate them 👏.
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We REALLY need to learn to be happy for others and to support them. Even if a friend of yours tells you about most obscure, to you 😉, dream, something that he/she wants sooo bad and works hard for it, even if it is totally uninteresting to you and you wouldn’t want a thing like that – support your friend, if it makes her/him happy be happy to her/him 🙏.
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And if you’re not supporting somebody because deep deep down inside you are jealous (come on, admit it 😉) of somebody’s accomplishmets be patient and learn to be happy for others. Your time will come too 🤩. It’s not a race where only 1 gets a reward. If somebody succeeded before you it doesn’t mean that you cannot succeed too! 🎖
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Let’s all help each other, support each other and lets openly talk about our dreams 💬
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So  tell me, what are you dreams? What have you been recently working on?
Whatever it is I BELIEVE IN YOU!! 🤗

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 27

What’s the difference between punishment and self-discipline? 🤔 Perhaps you’ve already asked yourself that on our last step about punishing yourself. How to distinguish it? 🧐
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You don’t want to be too strict but on the other hand you need self-discipline so as not to spend the rest of your life living lazily and letting everything go and not reaching any goals 😉.
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Do you know that the word „discipline” means in latin knowledge, giving orders, teaching? 👨🏻‍🎓 As you see it has nothing to do with punishment, right? 😊
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Authors of many books about discipline emphasize that it comes from constant attempts. You fail, you get up wiser and move on 💪. Self-discipline is an effect of your effort and not giving up on next attempts.
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While main task of the punishment is to scare, it only teaches us what to avoid, brings tension, and often, fear and anger 🤢.
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I hope that you see now the difference and as to be good to yourself you’ll start liking self-discipline and avoid punishing 🤗
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How to distinguish them in practice? Common ground of those two often is the will to avoid some activity. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do something that is beneficial to us (e.g. working out).
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How can we know if our forcing is a part of self-discipline or punishment? 🤔
If you’re not sure think of a situation when you really don’t feel like doing something and answer couple questions:
*Sitation:
*What do you feel then? 🤔
*Is my body tense or loose? Do I clutch my jaw, feel tension in my arms? 😓
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If you feel a lot of tension, anger or fear and negative thoughts about yourself pop into your head it is probably closer to punishment than to self-discipline. You’ll recognize self-discipline when you’ll  be easily able to say why activity that you’re trying to force yourself to is good and beneficial to you 🤗

Nexy week: Learn to rest
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Motivation

What is success to you?

What is success to you? 🤔 What does being successful really mean? 🤔 Is it having lots of money? 💰 Being smart? 🧠 Looking good? 😎
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I’m gonna break something to you and you might feel bad but you need to be aware of that 😉: there’s always gonna be someone more beautiful 😎,  someone smarter 🧠 and, unless you’re Jeff Bezos, someone richer 💰. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be successful!
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Being successful isn’t being THE BEST. It’s being better than average. Being successul is being better than you were a month ago 💪. That’s a success!
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The best and the only scale you should be comparing your current self isn’t to other people because this might have the opposite effect, it’s comparing your current self to your past self! 😉
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As long as there’s progress there and a positive difference you’re successful! 😊
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This is healthy competition and both easiest and hardest to have! But if you’re progressing, if you’re going forward this is success!
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Do you agree?

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 21

How’s your training willpower going? 💪 Any progress?
Today we’re gonna learn how to refill reserve of willpower.
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Think what is the source of your „I desire” power” – come back to where it all started so to your motivation 🤩. If you’ve been taking notes it would be helpful to look through notes you took during our first steps, especially when we’ve been setting goal using SMART method. Remember? We did that in step 6.
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Try to recall why is this goal important to you.
Those questions might help:
* What will you gain when you accomplish your current challenge? Will you reach your goal? Write down all benefits – those small ones and big ones, more and less obvious 😉
* Who else, apart from you, will gain when you succeed? Often our close ones are big motivation to us. Write down all benefits 🤗
Next week: Reward yourself!
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 17

Today’s step is a bit long but it is SO important in everyday life ⚠️
How big impact does stress have on willpower? In order to answer that question I’ll tell you about „fight 👊 or flight ✈ response”. It is a physiological reaction when seeing danger that’s been protectin people for centuries from deadly threats.
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How does it work? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Let’s say you’ve noticed a venomous snake on your path. A part of your brain called amygdala reacts instantly and it prepares your body to fight or run away. The secretion of stress hormones increases, liver releases fats and sugars giving organism energy, lungs start to work faster to oxygenate body, the blood circulation accelerates (that’s why heart start to beat so fast!) to deliver needed substances to all cells. Basically whole organism is mobilizing for you to have best shot to survive 💪. In order not to delay your reactions the activity of the prefrontal cortex, so the part of your brain that is responsible for controlling impuleses, decreases ⬇️
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What does it mean? Stress physically decreases your ability to self-control ⚠️
Brain still works in the same way as if you were standing in front of a venomous snake and it starts fight or flight reaction. E.g. when you see an annoying e-mail from your boss 😉. That’s why it is so important to learn to deal with stress!
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Task for today divides into 3 parts:
1. Try relaxation. Lie down or sit down in a comfortable position 🧘🏼‍♀️, close your eyes, take deep breath and let your body loose muscle by muscle 🙏.
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2. Answer those questions:
· What do you think about stress and its affect on your life?
· How do you rate your stress level?
· Do  you think of the stress that you experience as bad stress 👎or good stress 👍?
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3. Watch short Ted talk with Kelly McGonigal „How to make stress your friend” – so good! 😍
Next week: Improve your willpower by breathing :::
Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Bez kategorii · Self-evolving

Communication

Do you know what’s key to good relationship?
Communication 😉
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And it’s not only about love relationships, it’s important to make any kind of relationship work – a friendship, a relation you have with your daughter, mom, neighbour, coworker. Anybody.
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We are ALL different. And nobody sits in your head, nobody reads your mind, believe me 😉. So when you don’t like something, when you need help with something you need to COMMUNICATE.
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Plenty woman (I used to be one of them) think that if they send „signals” to their partner he’ll know what she needs/means 😅 That if she says something between the lines about a movie she’d like to watch or talk about her friend’s new cosmetics he’ll instantly get the idea to take you to cinema to see that movie and he’ll buy those cosmetics for you 😅 No, this doesn’t work with men.
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Men and women work totally differently and so do our minds! You need to be loud and clear 😉
COMMUNICATE.
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It works like that with everybody. If you’re angry with your boss because he/she gives you so much work tell him/her politely (!) that you’re swamped and ask if he/she can maybe get one of your co-workers to help you, to divide some big task between 2-3 people, not just 1 🤷🏼‍♀️
TALK.
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If you’re frustrated with your friend because he keeps inviting you to places you don’t like or wants to do something you’re not fan of – tell him. He simply might not know that you don’t like it! I’m sure he doesn’t do it to make you angry, he’s just anaware of your negative feelings. Why? Because you’ve never told him that you e.g. don’t like bowling or eating at that Thai restaurant. 😉
LET HIM KNOW.
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We all need to talk more. Say what we think out loud. Don’t keep your thought or feelings to yourself. But remember, if it’s something negative think how to communicate it to your friend to not hurt his feelings 🙏. We should always be sincere and if you don’t like something you should say it but do it gently.

📸 pic taken in Zakhyntos in 2017

Self-evolving · Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 16

I’ve got good news for you – willpower can be trained! 💪 It is often treated like something you either have or don’t but psychology researches show that you can train your strong will just like your muscles. And nobody was born with a 6-pack, right? 😉
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It is great news because those who aren’t scrupulous naturally can train it 💪. You’ve actually already started it with implementation intention (step 10) and by process visualisation (step 11) 😉
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Since willpower works like a muscle it has limited source of energy and strength. There are things that empower it 👍 but there are also things that weaken it 👎.
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Your goal is to get to know and, if possible, remove your obstacles to having strong will 😎. Those most basic ones are stress, tiredness and lack of sleep. It seems so simple, right? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Yet you do not always see the connection between those factors and your willpower.
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Task for today: Observe and write down (or analyze past experiences if you’re calm and rested today) how stress and tiredness have impact on your willpower:
* What situations are those?
* What happens then?
* How do you react?
* Is it harder for you to stick to your goal?
* Do you have any ways to help yourself and not to be tempted (turn your „I don’t want to” power on) or to do something that you don’t feel like doing (turn your „I want to” power)? Next week: Stress vs willpower (next week Smiley Future will be on Wednesday!)

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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 15

🧠SMILEY FUTURE🧠
— Step 15
Today we’re gonna talk about 3 mind traps which might weaken your willpower and your willingness to act:
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1.Thinking „everything or nothing”
Have you ever thought „I do everything from my ‘to do’ list or drop everything”?
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If yes, then you got into „everything or nothing” trap which can have huge impact on your actions and effects (or lack of them) 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Thinking like that you don’t see your failures as small errors that you can learn from, you see it as total failure and you might start withdrawing generalized conclusions about yourself like „I’ll never succeed”, „I’m a failure” etc. STOP! 🚫
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* If you get trapped into those thoughts write all of them down ✒ Then write a counterargument to each one of them. Get back to it when you have another „everything or nothing” moment.

2. Excessive pessimism or optimism
„If I haven’t succeeded in 1 year I’ll never succeed” – that’s excessive pessimism when you have only negative thoughts about your future 👎
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Excessive optimism is when you ignore your past attempts and previous experience and keep thinking that „this time will be different, it will be perfect” 🙄 For example, you wanted to workout regularly, you’ve had couple attempts at it and failed eaxh time but now you think that you’ll have the willpower and you’ll workout 6 times a week for 3 months 💪🙄
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* If you know what I’m talking about write all of  such examples down ✒. Now try to make each one of them more realistic e.g. „I’ll try to workout more regularly. I probably won’t be able to workout 6 times a week right away so I’ll workout 2 times this week, 3 times next week and keep improving”. :::
3. Exaggeration
You exaggerate all difficulties and make everything sound impossible. „I won’t make it”, „I never do anything right”. * If you do that write all of those thoughts down and write a counterargument to each one
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow” 📸 pic taken in Italy in 2019

Smiley Future

Smiley Future – Step 14

Today we start realising our goal! In upcoming steps willpower will be one of most important subjects. ⚠️
Here’s what’s most important.
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Willpower divides into 3 parts:
· Power to do something even though you’d prefer to avoid it (power „I want to!”) 💪
· Power helping push temptations away (power „I don’t want to”) 🚫
· Power that remembers  what you desire in long-term (power „I desire!”) 🤩 :::
Willpower is what differs us from animals. By forseeing future you are able to not give in to impulses or instincts ⚠️. Thinking about will power you often want to delete lower impulses or some feelins but they are important too! 😉
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For example disgust protects you from bad food, fear from danger and desires help you setting goals 😉. If you want to improve your willpower it is not about fighting impulses but about using them to help you 🤗
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How to manage your willpower? 🤔 For that you need to get to know yourself better. Only when you understand your way of thinking in a situation that requires your willpower then you can strengthen it 💪.
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You make many decisions on autopilot (and it’s good because there are s omany of them during a day that your brain would not be able to get to them all!😅) so your task for today is to notice that autopilot and improving you self-awarness.
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Observe and write down ✒
·What situations need your willpower? 🤔
· What thoughts, feelings, impulses appear in those situations? 🧐
· What decisions they lead you to? Supporting your goal or the opposite? 🤔
·  Which moments/elements are crucial to making a decision? Noticing them will help you stop that bad autopilot and prepare for those situations earlier. 🧐
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If you want to learn more about it I advice you to read Kelly McGonigal’s book „The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It” 📖
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Next week: Mind traps
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Source: @chodakowskaewa‘s new book “90 days – design your tomorrow”