Key to good, positive relationships is effective communication 🙏.
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Effective communication is always about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or forcing your opinions on others 😉. To improve your assertiveness: value yourself and your options. They are as important as anyone else’s. Know your needs and wants.
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Don’t say what you don’t want, say what you prefer.
Don’t say what you don’t like, say what you like.
Don’t say what you haven’t managed to do, say what are the options.
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Examples of effective communication:
➡️ Instead of saying „I don’t like it when you…” say: „I feel better when you…
➡️ Instead of saying „it’s not how you do it!” say: „Have you tried this way?”
➡️ Instead of saying „I don’t want to…” say: „I’d like it more if…”
Do you see the difference?
Tag: relationship
Love yourself!
When looking for a husband/wife we tend to think ‘if I’m supposed to spend rest of my life with one person I need to find somebody that I really love’. 🤔
But you know what? There’s one person that you definitely need to and will spend the rest of your life with. Yourself 😉.
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We NEED TO love ourself cause we’re ‘stuck’ with ourself 😜 we need to accept the kind of person we are, we need to like, respect and love ourselves! 🙏❤
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Don’t like something about yourself? If you can – change it (e.g. try to lose weight if you think you’re too fat, learn something if you think you lack some skills) but if you can’t change it you NEED TO accept it 😉 I, for example, am too tall 😜 (I’m taller than my husband) but there’s nothing I can do about it 🤷♀️ so I just accepted it. It’s just who I am 😊.
Please love yourself 😊❤
Relationships
Recently I’ve been thinking about people that I have in my life. I am one of those people that would like to keep in touch with all the people I’ve ever met – with people from primary school, college, from the time when I lived abroad, with people I met at some holidays or parties… but it’s just not possible.
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Building relationships and taking care of them takes time. You can work on a relationship for years and then lose it in 1 week/month. 💔
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So if you have somebody in your life that you’d want to have forever – take care of that person and of your relationship. Don’t let him/her go. 🙏
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Use this magical time now we have now and take care of the people you want to keep in your life – buy some small gift for them 🎁, send a Christmas card 🎄 or just call them with best wishes 💫
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We need to cherish good people that we have close to us and make them feel loved and appreciated 🙏
Talking on Internet
You know what drives me crazy lately? 🤬 People not responding on Internet 🙄.
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You write somebody a message, you inform about something, you may even ask about something and… you get nothing 🤷♀️. Nowadays you even see if somebody read your messange (on Messenger, Instagram or Whatssapp) yet some people still have no difficulty in leaving it on ‘read’. 🙄
How rude. 😬
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Imagine same situation face to face. You walk up to somebody, you ask him/her a question 🗨, he/she looks at you and walks away. Would you do it? 🤷♀️
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Online or offline, lets all respect each other 🤝, treat each other how you’d want to be treat it and act like you’d be acting if you’d be talking face to face.
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Also, I am so done with people who are ‘honest’ online yet are not able to say what they really feel/think when you see them face to face 🙄
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I am so done with people who get online to let their rage out 🤬 and all they do is criticizing other people in a really rude way (so-called haters).
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I am so done with people who are curagous and could talk you up when there’s a screen between you and would never do it ‘live’ 👎
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I am so done with fake people who act different in Internet and different face to face.
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Let’s all be real. 🙏
Let’s always remember that there’s a real human being on the other side of the screen. 🤗
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Please let’s all respect each other no matter if you’re standing next to each other or you’re talking via social media.
Be kind. 🙏
Questions you shouldn’t ask or be asked
I believe in honesty and being open. We should be open and talk about our lifes, our feelings, our emotions 👍 but there are couple subjects that you should not start unless you’re really close to a person you’re talking to and you get a feeling from that person that it’s ok to talk about it ⚠️.
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There are questions that you shouldn’t ask and shouldn’t be asked, like:
➡️ Did you put on weight? 🙄
➡️ You’re gonna eat it all? 😳
➡️ When will you get a boyfriend? 😒
➡️ When will you get married? 😐
➡️ Why don’t you have kids? 🤔
➡️ You still didn’t get a promotion at work? 🤷🏼♀️
Etc etc
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Those are normal questions between friends, really close ones ❤ but you shouldn’t be asked those e.g. at a family dinner with uncles or aunts you barely see 👴👵, at an office party 🕺💃, at a high-school reunion 👩🎓👨🏻🎓or at any meeting with people you’re not that close with 🤷🏼♀️
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There are people who are fine with those questions and they will answer them and talk about those subjects easily 👍 but some people not only don’t like those questions but they might feel anxiety or even be ashamed to answer them and will be thinking about them and/or feeling bad even days later 😖
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The thing is, unless you know someone really well you might not notice a difference between those two groups and you might ask this question a shy and insecure person that will be hurt hearing it 😕
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How do you feel about it?
Do you agree?
Other ways to say ‘I love you’
Do you celebrate #ValentinesDay? 💕 Do you like it? 🤗
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I don’t think there’s any other holiday that brings that much pressure 😰
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Before you start comparing yourself or your relationship to others while scrolling Instagram and seeing photos from so-to-seem perfect dates, 🙄 remember that what people post on Instagram isn’t their everyday life 😉. We all pick a photo that we look good on 🤩, we all pick a moment we are happy about ☺ and we usually share good news and positive things about ourselves 👍.
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Just because a couple posts a picture of them smiling and having a romantic evening, it doesn’t mean they don’t fight, they don’t have any bad moments or bad days 🤷🏼♀️
No one is perfect and there’s no such thing as a perfect couple 😉. We all have ups and downs. I fight with my husband too and that’s normal 🤷🏼♀️
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Another thing – before you start comparing your partner to others and before you become overcritical remember that there are other ways to say „I love you” than buying flowers 🌹 or expensive gifts 🎁. If your partner doesn’t say „I love you” often it doesn’t mean that he/she doesn’t 😉. Maybe he/she’s just not that into words but shows it in everyday small deeds? 🤗 Like covering you with a blanket when you fall asleep on a couch? 😴 Or making you hot lemon tea when you don’t feel that well? 🤧 Or making you a sandwhich even though he/she is tired and doesn’t feel like getting up from couch? 🥪 Those are all acts of love too, remember 😉
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And lastly – if you’re single and don’t celebrate V-Day at all just take it easy 🤗. Being single is not bad and you should NOT feel sad that you’re not on some romantic date or that you didn’t get any flowers 😉. Buy yourself flowers ⚘, cook yourself a nice meal 🥘, spend a lovely evening with yourself or maybe with another friend who’s single 😊?
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Even thought I celebrate V-Day now with my husband, I’ve been single for 24 years before 😉 and believe me, I’ve been there and I know the feeling but there’s no need to be sad about some holiday, just get out and live that day as any other! 😁
Be fair!
You know the saying – treat others how you want to be treated, right? It also works the other way round 😉 – expect from others what they can expect from you.
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Don’t expect somebody to be honest with you if you’re not honest with them ⚠️
Don’t expect somebody to hear you out if you don’t listen to them. ⚠️
Don’t expect somebody to help you if you never help them. ⚠️
Be fair!
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Don’t be surprised that somebody isn’t telling you some secrets or personal things if you don’t share some personal stuff with them or if you can’t keep a secret 🤷🏼♀️. Would you tell them a secret of yours if you’d know that they’d tell it everyone around? 🤔
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Then when somebody is telling you something personal or confessing of their problems don’t reply with „Ahh, that’s nothing. My situation is even worse…” 🙄 or ‘fight’ over who is in worse situation „You’re tired? Believe me, I’m more tired!” 😏 Nobody likes that! Let him/her talk, hear them out 👂and then when they’re finished and are ready for some advices you can compare their situation to yours, tell them what helped you, how you’re dealing with such situation etc but don’t make it about you. 😉 Let this moment be about him/her, focus on your friend and let them feel heared out. Your time to confess and complain about your sitation will come, don’t worry 😉
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And finally, don’t expect somebody to help you if you’ve never helped them! Why would they do that? 🤔 It should work both ways! E.g. at work – ask somebody to do something for you but also offer to do something for them from time to time 😉
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Let’s all treat each other how you’d like to be treated, be fair with others and never let a relationship work only one way 🙏
P.s. Check out my Instagram for an idea for a last minute Xmas gift
What I’ve learned this year
Look deep into my eyes. What do you see? Confidence! 😎
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I’ve learned a lot this year and I feel that I’ve grown as a person.
This year I finally accepted myself as I am 👍 I stopped feeling sorry for being the way I am and I’ve been encouraging people to understand that we are all different and you can’t meassure or judge everything with same standards/meassurements 🤷🏼♀️
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For example, I am an analytical kind of person 🧐. I analyze lots of things, I plan lots of things, I need to have an order in everything and have everything organized 🤪. I feel calm when I have everything written down and everything planned 😇.
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But e.g. my husband is not like that 🤷🏼♀️. So whenever he wanted to do something spontaneous together or plan some evening for me I felt nervous (Don’t get me wrong, I do get spontaneous from time to time but not when I have a busy week – e.g. preparing everything for an Advent Calendar 😜)
It took some time but he now understands that this is how I want things 🤗
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But it works both ways! I used to be mad at him for not planning ahead or for not being orgnized. But that’s just how he is 🤷🏼♀️. He doesn’t need unnatural order in everything as I do. I used to be mad that he doesn’t remember me telling him something but his memory just isn’t as good as mine or, actually, it is as good but he just remembers different things 🤷🏼♀️ – I have good memory for facts, plans, for details and he remembers every movie and a last name of pretty much every person he’s ever met! 😅 We’re just different!
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We are all different and we all want different things. Don’t judge somebody for not wanting something you want or for having something you find unappealing 🤷🏼♀️
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Don’t feel sorry for a woman that has been single her whole life, maybe she wants to be alone? 😉 Talk, listen. Stop looking weird at a married couple that doesn’t have kids – maybe they don’t want traditional Graduate-Get Married-Have Kids lifestyle. Talk, listen. 😉
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Stop looking at people through your own opinions and your own character. Maybe something that drives you crazy is good for another person? 🤷🏼♀️
Communication
Do you know what’s key to good relationship?
Communication 😉
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And it’s not only about love relationships, it’s important to make any kind of relationship work – a friendship, a relation you have with your daughter, mom, neighbour, coworker. Anybody.
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We are ALL different. And nobody sits in your head, nobody reads your mind, believe me 😉. So when you don’t like something, when you need help with something you need to COMMUNICATE.
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Plenty woman (I used to be one of them) think that if they send „signals” to their partner he’ll know what she needs/means 😅 That if she says something between the lines about a movie she’d like to watch or talk about her friend’s new cosmetics he’ll instantly get the idea to take you to cinema to see that movie and he’ll buy those cosmetics for you 😅 No, this doesn’t work with men.
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Men and women work totally differently and so do our minds! You need to be loud and clear 😉
COMMUNICATE.
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It works like that with everybody. If you’re angry with your boss because he/she gives you so much work tell him/her politely (!) that you’re swamped and ask if he/she can maybe get one of your co-workers to help you, to divide some big task between 2-3 people, not just 1 🤷🏼♀️
TALK.
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If you’re frustrated with your friend because he keeps inviting you to places you don’t like or wants to do something you’re not fan of – tell him. He simply might not know that you don’t like it! I’m sure he doesn’t do it to make you angry, he’s just anaware of your negative feelings. Why? Because you’ve never told him that you e.g. don’t like bowling or eating at that Thai restaurant. 😉
LET HIM KNOW.
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We all need to talk more. Say what we think out loud. Don’t keep your thought or feelings to yourself. But remember, if it’s something negative think how to communicate it to your friend to not hurt his feelings 🙏. We should always be sincere and if you don’t like something you should say it but do it gently.
📸 pic taken in Zakhyntos in 2017
SELF-LOVE
Alright guys, time for new, and possibly the most important, weekly section in Smiley Society 😉
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You know how I divide my week into tasks and asign each day to one of my projects (yes, I love planning and being organized 🙈)? So e.g. every Monday I work on my blog and prepare all posts for the upcoming week, every Tuesday I do research for my 2nd book…etc etc. Thursdays used to be kind of „Others” section when I did some other stuff… Now it’s time to asign a permament thing for Thursdays and this is what my new section is going to be about – SELF-LOVE 🙏❤
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That’s right. I decided to plan couple hours of every Thursday to spend, well, with me! 😊 Either reading 📖, doing yoga 🧘🏼♀️(I plan to start practicing it), doing some home SPA or anything else that is relaxing. And I advice you to do the same! 😉
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We all need that time for ourselves, to get our thoughts together, to feel good in your own skin, to just relax and rest from everybody else.
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You need to have some time for the relationship you have with yourself! 🤗 You can’t share love and love others until you love yourself, until you feel good with yourself! 😉 We all need Self-love.
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So from now on, every Thursday, I’ll be sharing with you my ideas for those Self-Love days. Either recommending a good book for you to to read 📖, uploading a recipe for some good (but fit! 😉) food (let’s come back to Comfort Food section 🍪) or even showing you how to make some home-made cosmetics for your home natural SPA 🧖♀️.
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What do you think? Are you with me? Do you like this idea?
Let me know! 🤗
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And as for a task for today – pick a day in your week to have those Self-Love days. It doesn’t have to be Thursday like me. It can be during weekend too. Just pick it and mark it in your calendar 📆 for good. It’s not about a whole day, just 2-4h for yourself.
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You can do it. You HAVE TO do it. If you think that you don’t have that much time for yourself….well…maybe it’s time to rearrange some things, to rearrange some prorities 😉. After all you’ll have that „me, myself & I” relationship your whole life. You need to make it work. You need to feel good in it. You need to love yourself 🙏❤
How to be HAPPY 